


but you're handsome in a fog

by sandyk



Series: with the sun in my eyes Surprise! [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker has PTSD, Therapy and medication are good, tiny field trip moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:00:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: Peter has flashbacks, panic attacks, a summer internship with Stark Industries along side Liz Allan. It's all a lot, but he also has people who care about him and want him to be, you know, maybe happy?(Probably necessary to read previous installments to get it all)
Relationships: Liz Allan/Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker
Series: with the sun in my eyes Surprise! [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701469
Kudos: 45
Collections: Trope Bingo: Round Fourteen





	but you're handsome in a fog

**Author's Note:**

> For the trope bingo square costumes. Not mine, no profit garnered. Title from the cardigans's i need some fine wine and you need to be nicer. Thanks A!!
> 
> Please note tags, there are many references and instances of panic attacks and flashbacks in this story.

Peter pressed himself back against the wall. He couldn't breathe and everything was blurry and too loud and his heart was going too fast. Everything was very very cold and dark, it was suddenly dark. He hurt everywhere. He was sure he could hear cars going by, way too fast. Nothing in particular was making sense. 

He tried to breathe, again and again. He was sitting down, his knees against his chest. 

MJ touched his forearm. He rubbed at his eyes. She was saying something and he couldn't hear it. "What?"

"Peter, Peter, I'm right here." She smiled a little. It looked very forced. Even though he was looking at her, he could hear her, he could still hear the cars going and he could smell them and something like a desert. 

He was in a building. He was at Avengers Tower, it was a field trip. He was having an embarrassing, horrible panic attack on a field trip. 

MJ was looking over her shoulder, something was standing behind her. MJ said, "He's just, he'll be fine. He's just upset. His uncle died two months ago. I mean, his uncle was raising him, not just some random uncle you never see."

Peter winced. 

MJ said, "Sorry, I had to explain." 

The person behind MJ was Tony Stark. That made everything super maximum embarrassing. Peter was starting to come back to himself. He'd broken the door. He'd ducked away from everyone when he started to feel the panic coming on. He'd pushed open a door to a closet. It wasn't a closet, it was a whole room. 

Tony Stark had probably noticed the broken door. Peter had actually gotten really good at controlling his strength and the other new abilities from the spider bite.

Now that he wasn't falling apart, he felt very spent. Worn out. He was shaking, too, he was still cold. Tony Stark was crouching down in front of him, next to MJ. Mr. Stark said, "Hey. Do you want to use the bathroom? I can let you into the bathroom."

Peter nodded and forced himself to stand. Tony reached out and his arm was almost not touching Peter's arm. It was a nice gesture. Mr. Stark pressed his hand against a wall panel, and a door opened up. Peter went through and Mr. Stark did and then the door closed behind them. 

Peter went to the toilet, it was walled off so he didn't have to pee in front of Iron Man. He sat on the toilet and tried to get himself together. He could at least fake not being a psycho. 

He flushed and went to the sink, washing his hands probably too much. 

Mr. Stark said, "I'm just guessing, but that seemed more like a flashback. I'm saying, I've had those, I've had panic attacks, I've od'ed and straight up freaked out. In my semi expert opinion."

"Okay," Peter said. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize. You've had a seriously traumatic life, and not just being kidnapped by some super soldier wannabe," Mr. Stark said, gently. 

"No," Peter said. He sounded very weak. 

"Kid," Mr. Stark said. "I know that was you. It's okay. You know, I bet you probably can't talk about everything that's happened to you with anyone. But we've got a guy you can talk to, he's really heard it all. He's used to dealing with seriously weird traumas. Avengers level weird." 

It was funny how calm and gentle Mr. Stark seemed. Then again, he'd already said he had a lot of experience with freaking out. Peter smiled. 

Mr. Stark said, "Let's go back out there to your fierce little friend."

"She's taller than me," Peter said. 

"I mean little like young," Mr. Stark said.

Peter walked out and MJ stood right next to him like a coiled spring. He felt drained and useless and he was definitely worried that awful thing would happen again, but mostly he felt okay. "Hey," Peter said. "We should get back to the group."

"High school field trip," Mr. Stark said, shaking his head. "I can't believe we still do that."

"Thanks," MJ said. She clutched Peter's arm and dragged him away. 

On the bus home, Peter leaned against Ned and closed his eyes. He wasn't quite asleep. He was mostly floating, like floating in mud. 

"No Spider-man tonight," MJ whispered hissed at him. 

Peter opened his eyes. "Come on," he said. "We made a schedule. It's a good schedule." Ned and MJ and Peter had plotted out Peter's Spider-man time to maximize crime fighting and Peter's academic needs plus being there for May. They'd been tweaking the schedule ever since Peter started being Spider-man. He'd lasted a whole week going out as a superhero before Ned and MJ together confronted him. It made everything so much easier, he was so glad they figured him out. 

He'd never told either of them the real story of Mary and his school, partly because it just didn't come up and also because he just didn't want to. It was a freaky story. He was some kind of baby assassin in training even if he'd been extracted before it came to that. He was one more kid who'd been abandoned and thrown away and that had made him useful to bad people. 

Now he was the kid who got bit by a spider (albeit wielded by a psycho) and now he tried to help people and make the world a better place. Ordinary kid turned hero. That was his story. 

Ned said, "Honestly, I think you should take the night off. You seem wiped out."

Peter sighed. "I am now, but after dinner, I'll be fine."

"You can take a night off," MJ said. "You should."

Ned said, "Do you even know what set you off?"

Peter shook his head. They'd gone from first period over to Avengers Tower with their classmates. They got a tour, they watched a video and hologram of Tony Stark that had been recorded years ago. At least two years ago, since Mr. Stark still had the arc reactor in his chest. He didn't anymore. Everyone knew that.

After the tour part, they went to a robotics lab and got to work with the state of the art equipment. Follow a schematic to build a basic pincer arm. Then lunch, then back to play with the pincer arm. Then they toured labs and then Peter felt everything creeping in, the walls, the floor, the air in the hallway. "I felt fine until I didn't," Peter said. 

"I guess that happens," Ned said. "I'll ask my cousin. He works at the VA."

"So he knows about panic attacks?" Peter tried not to sound sarcastic. He knew it came from a place of love. But he was totally over being analyzed. Plus, he kept hearing that voice in his head about the kids from his school who had psychotic breaks. He didn't want to know that was what wrong with him. 

Ned nodded. "I can just get advice about how to help you next time, if there's a next time. There might not be."

"There will be," MJ said. "Come on, Peter, you were kidnapped and, there's been other stuff. It's understandable if your brain is taking a beat to process. Or processing in a hard way."

"Okay," Peter said. "I'm still doing my hour patrol tonight. I'll text you both so you know nothing bad happens."

And nothing bad happened. He didn't panic again. He stopped some petty thefts, he scared some scary guys who seemed intent on being assholes and he got flagged down by a nice woman who wanted him to walk her home. "Thanks for trusting me," he said. That felt good. 

For a week, everything was okay. Peter didn't freak out, have a flashback or have a panic attack, whatever that was. He even had a great dinner with May where she really smiled for once. 

Then on a Monday morning, as Peter should have expected, Tony Stark happened to his mostly okay life. Peter and beautiful Liz from Decathlon and three other students were summoned to Principal Morita's office. Principal Morita told them they had all won an internship at Stark Industries. The very first Stark high school internships. Which would be paid, and would last all summer. Also, Principal Morita sighed and told them not to worry about the inevitable complaints they would hear about how other people should have been chosen. "You're all very qualified."

Peter felt incredibly wary of the whole thing until the first day. They didn't see Stark at all. Instead, he and Liz were assigned to work the summer for part of the prosthetics division. They filled out forms and handed over their IDs. Liz already had a driver's license. Peter brought his birth certificate and social security card. He had faith in Mary's ability to create documents that even Stark Industries would find authentic. 

"I'm so glad we're getting paid," Liz said. "My dad is really down on Tony Stark. Lots of talk about Stark being out to get the little guy, trample on everyone." She rolled her eyes. "It's funny how worked up he gets. I think if we weren't getting paid, he wouldn't let me go."

"But it will look so great on your college applications," Peter said. "Paid or not. But I do like the money." He would be making a pretty sweet hourly wage, actually. 

They actually did work, too. It was pretty mindless checking code and testing minor modifications. They were mostly working for five scientists who were making robot arms that were even more responsive. Dr. Scanlon was in charge. He had the coolest wheelchair, too. 

Liz was basically amazing. Not that Peter didn't already know that, but getting to work with her really made it clear. When he turned fifteen, he was definitely going to ask her out. There was a time between his birthday in June and hers in September when he would be fifteen and she would be sixteen, and that's when he figured he had a chance. 

Then Friday afternoon, he was finishing up his lunch at the SI cafeteria. Liz had already finished and was back to work but Peter had been out patrolling the night before and he needed a lot of fuel. An older man walked directly to Peter and said, "Parker, right? I need to take you to the boss."

"Am I in trouble?" Peter stood up and pulled on his backpack. He couldn't think of anything he'd done. 

"No, you're not in trouble, jeez, come on," the man said. He lead Peter to the elevator. 

The elevator said, "Going up to the boss, Happy."

Peter said, "You're Happy?" 

"Yeah, you've heard of me?" Happy said, with a smile. 

"No," Peter said. "The elevator called you that, sorry. I was just checking."

Happy frowned and they rode in awkward silence. 

After the elevator doors opened, Happy said, "You get out here. I go back to work."

Peter nodded, swallowed and walked into the penthouse. It was very bright. He blinked a few times. Then he heard Mr. Stark say, "Fri, dim the lights."

Everything was much more tolerable. Peter said, "Thanks. Do, do you need something from me?"

"Yes," Mr. Stark said. "Please, sit down, jeez, I don't currently have plans to sentence you to prison."

"Not currently," Peter said. He tried to smile as he sat down. 

"Any flashbacks since I last saw you?"

"No," Peter said. "...not as severe. I mean, it was just the one. On Wednesday."

"Any chance I can convince you to see my guy and talk about what's in your adorable teenaged head?" Mr. Stark was sprawled out on the very expensive looking chair opposite Peter on the almost certainly leather couch. He thought the place they were in was probably some kind of living space. Like, the Starks lived here. Mr. Stark and his wife, Pepper. That made Peter feel super uncomfortable. 

"I'm good," Peter said. "I'm great. What did you want to talk about?"

"I'm absolutely going to keep asking, you know. You've taken on a lot, especially with all this dressing up in sweats and fighting crime."

Peter said, "That's not me. Nope. You're wrong."

"I'm not," Mr. Stark said. "Can we not do this back and forth? I'm not going to tell anyone. I know you're out there dressing up and calling yourself Spider-man, you've got a nice schedule worked out there. I assume thanks to your young friends. Looks random, though I can tell it isn't, you're working on a geographic quadrant map, also good plan. Remember, those of us who know you got kidnapped by a freaky super wannabe who killed a bunch of people with radiated spiders which is, what? Can we talk about that for a minute, it's demented. How does that end up working? What if you'd been bit by a radiated cat?"

"Not as cool? Cat man sounds dumb," Peter said. 

"As opposed to Spider-man," Mr. Stark said. "Add the radiated spider abilities to the ones from baby, uh, spy school. It's pretty easy to figure out. But look at you, taking the bad and making it good. Why are you doing that?"

"What?" Peter clasped his hands together. 

"Why? You've had a rough life, and here you are, nice and polite and out risking life and limb at fourteen?" Mr. Stark wasn't even paying attention to Peter, or he was giving that appearance. He was trying to be casual.

Peter assumed it was an act of kindness. Which was an optimistic assumption. But he thought Mr. Stark was trying to be kind. "I'll be fifteen in two weeks," Peter said. "And I don't know, I think. I think, you know, to whom much is given, much is expected."

"Nice quote," Mr. Stark said. "That really gets you into those sweats every day?"

"I wanna help," Peter said. "I want to help people. I've been helped a lot. That's how it should work."

Mr. Stark sat forward, very much paying attention to Peter. "You've been in the position to need help a lot. I think most people would dwell on that part."

"I think you're wrong," Peter said. "But anyway, that's how I look at it."

Mr. Stark smiled like he was about to make a joke. Instead he said, "That's not how I look at the shitty things in my life."

"Sorry," Peter said. "You're a hero, though."

"I agree," Mr. Stark said, with the same smile. "Anyway. Just in case, since you are fourteen for the next two weeks, any chance I can talk you into not doing this ridiculously dangerous side hobby you've picked up?"

Peter shook his head. "I'll be fine, sir."

Mr. Stark sighed. "I figured. Okay. Let's see those web shooters. Youtube videos don't give me enough detail."

"What are you going to do?" Peter said. He reached for his backpack and started to get them out of the fake pocket he'd put in the bottom. 

"You're going to show me how they work. And how you make your web ejaculate."

Peter giggled. "It's not --, that's gross." He handed both over. 

"Let's hit the lab," Mr. Stark said. "We can do this every Friday. Just a regular part of the internship, to everyone else. We'll upgrade your equipment and then maybe we can work on that sweatsuit. Definitely need an upgrade on that."

"I heal fine," Peter said. "Really fast."

"Sure, that's why you're wearing a hoodie with a spider drawn on it."

"My friend drew me that spider," Peter said. 

"Yeah, I bet," Mr. Stark said. 

When Peter described everything to Ned, it was so awesome. Ned almost passed out. "Iron Man's lab? Oh my God, really? Was it amazing?"

Peter nodded. "Absolutely amazing." 

"I'm so envious, oh my God."

MJ was just frowning. "Peter, you should be careful. I know you hero worship the guy, but you have to be careful about who you trust."

"Why should he be careful about Iron Man?" Ned threw up his hands. "He's Iron Man."

MJ said, "Oh, I don't know, all those years he was coasting as a rich brat who made weapons and never checked where they went? He went to rehab twice, and then, fine, he gets back from being kidnapped and grows a conscience. But people don't really change."

"Yes, they do," Peter said. "My mom changed. She used to laugh about it. She was a really different person before she decided to adopt me. I know she changed." 

MJ pressed her lips together. She was staring at Peter. She said, "You never talk about your mom."

Peter shrugged. He scratched his wrist. It wasn't itchy but he needed something to do. "I'm just saying," Peter said. "People do change. I think Mr. Stark changed."

Ned said, "He's definitely changed. I think Peter can trust Iron Man."

After Ned left, Peter sat on his bunk bed. He got up and rooted through the bottom of his closet to find his books from Mary. He was running his finger along the spines when MJ said, "I wasn't trying to insult your mom."

Peter nearly jumped to the ceiling but instead he just turned and stared. "Okay. I thought you left."

"It's funny that me and Ned and May can all sneak up on you now and no one else can," MJ said. She shifted her weight from her left to her right. She said, "Did you want to talk about your mom?"

"No, it's fine," Peter said. He wanted to hide the books, but he also wanted to put them away safely so he just did that super fast. "I don't want to talk about my mom. Is May out?"

"Does May not like your mom?" MJ turned and looked behind him. She said, "Yeah, she already left for work."

Peter clenched his jaw. He didn't want to say anything. Also, MJ tended to never forget anything anyone ever said. He said, "May thought Mary was kinda wild. Not wild like party too much, but wild like Mary never had much respect for the law. She had her own code."

"She sounds like a samurai," MJ said. "What did she do for a living? Is she really a samurai? Does that job even exist anymore?"

"She wasn't a samurai," Peter said. "I think she, she was, um, a contractor? I don't know what it was exactly. She didn't work all the time. My dad was a scientist."

MJ looked around Peter's room. "Is that a picture of her?" She pointed to the only picture of Mary Peter actually had. Her face wasn't visible at all. She was laughing, though, holding Peter tight on her lap. MJ picked up the frame and put it back down. "She has nice hair."

"She did," Peter said. "I think May is still worried Mary didn't follow all the rules when she adopted me and maybe someday that might backfire? It's pretty late for that, though. It's silly." 

"Your mom sounds super cool," MJ said. "I mean it."

"I know," Peter said. "I know you meant it."

"She's the kind of lady who just randomly kidnaps neglected kids and takes them home? Super cool," MJ said.

Peter said, "She didn't kidnap me. I'm not kidnapped."

"Got it," MJ said. "Is she dead? How'd she die?"

Peter blinked. He said, "I don't know." He didn't really think she was dead but he couldn't explain things to MJ. He'd definitely seen her at Ben's funeral. "That's me being silly. She's dead. I just like to pretend. But she's dead."

"Sorry," MJ said. "I shouldn't be so pushy. Sorry."

"It's okay," Peter said. 

The amped up webshooters were way better just after a few hours in the lab with Mr. Stark. Peter loved them. He was a little excited for next Friday. He was already thinking about other improvements. Maybe he'd even let Stark revise his uniform. 

Better range on the webs meant he could go farther and stop things from farther away. He wasn't going to get stabbed as much. He loved that. 

He got his first paycheck Monday at work and gave it to May when he got home. She looked surprised, but happy surprised. He liked that look. She said, "I can take some cash out for you tomorrow so you can spend some of this."

"Nah, it's cool. I'll let you know when I need something," Peter said. He was thinking about when he asked out Liz. 

"Okay, one third of this goes into your college account, one third to your savings account that will be your checking account as soon as you're eighteen, and the rest, well --"

"Bills, bills, bills," Peter said. "I can contribute around here."

"You don't have to," May said. "I've got it."

"Of course," Peter said. "But I can still help."

May frowned. "Yeah, but only things like this when you're getting good experience for college. No crappy jobs where you're just making a crappy paycheck. We're not that desperate. We're fine."

He had a bunch of opportunities to test the new webs Thursday night. Following the map MJ and Ned had made, he went to Brooklyn and because of the time, he got to monitor a lot of bars shutting down for the night. He got to use his web grenades, taser webs, and the variant that didn't have a good name yet, but was thicker and heavier than his usual. He broke up some fights, stopped a carjacking, prevented two drunk driving accidents and had three beers thrown at him. "All small scale stuff," he said to Ned. 

"Still important," Ned said. "As you know. Make sure to report all that to Iron Man. I mean, how the webshooters worked." 

"Of course I will," Peter said. 

Three weeks into the internship, he was sitting with Liz at work, both of them going over some simulation results. Liz asked about the way the simulation was working and Peter read over the parameters and tried to figure out loud what the answer was. Liz said, "No, that makes sense. I think it's --" She pointed at the screen. 

Peter nodded. "Yeah, yeah."

Dr. Scanlon rolled up behind them and said, "Do you want me to explain?"

"Yes, please," Peter said. 

Peter had to ask a few questions to be completely clear. Liz just nodded along. Dr. Scanlon finished his explanation and said, "That's a good habit to make. Always be okay letting someone explain things to you if they know more."

Peter said thank you and Liz smiled again. After he rolled away, Liz said, "It's good advice for you."

"Am I a jerk?" Peter winced a little.

"No," Liz said. "Not at all. Not even close. But, really, no one needs to tell girls and especially not girls who look like me --"

"Beautiful?" Peter immediately wanted to crawl away. Somewhere. 

Liz really smiled at him. She said, "I meant not white, but thank you. But the rules are always different."

"I think it's not with Dr. Scanlon," Peter said. "A lot probably are."

"You're right," Liz said. "I think you're right."

"A lot probably are, though. I would never say you weren't right about that."

Liz shook her head. "I know, Peter. Let's get back to work."

Another time, Liz actually complained about her dad. "He's great, but he's so overprotective."

Peter said, "It's cause he loves you, right?"

"That's definitely one way of looking at it. But I'm sixteen, I'm not a baby. He never wanted me to get a job or intern during the summer. I had to bring up college admissions just to convince him. Like, he didn't go to college, he's been working since he was fifteen, and so now it's all beneath me to do that." Liz shrugged. 

"Just don't blow off college," Peter said. "That's not a good way to rebel. You could get in anywhere, I bet."

"We'll see," Liz said. "Thanks for your confidence. You'll be able to get in anywhere."

Peter shook his head. He said, "I don't know. It's a few years away."

Mr. Stark was always so nice. He let Peter into his lab and they worked on webshooters. They came up with all sorts of variations. When Peter came in every week after the first, Mr. Stark had tens of variations to show Peter. One time in July, it was a hundred. They were up to three hundred webshooter variations. 

Peter said, "I think we have enough."

Mr. Stark said, "Great, time to move on to upgrading those pajamas, right?"

"They're not pajamas," Peter said. "They're sweats."

"Awesome, you need more protection than that," Mr. Stark said. 

"I'm doing okay," Peter said. 

Mr. Stark stared at him. Then he said, "I wasn't implying you weren't. I'm saying, I can offer help. You're fifteen. I want to keep you safe. I know you won't stop doing this."

Peter nodded. "Okay."

Mr. Stark smiled. "Also, again, I can't stop bringing this up, but you should really see the Avengers' shrink. The guy's great."

Peter was going to say he was fine. Except he was having panic attacks and flashbacks and whatever those things were nearly every other day. He was scared of them happening where Liz might see, or when he was out being Spider-man and couldn't get someplace safe. He'd had one that morning, gasping and barely able to breathe on his bed, and he couldn't get out. 

May had come into his room and knelt by his bed. She'd murmured his name and rubbed his hands until he was calmer. She'd said, "Oh, baby, sweet Peter. It's okay."

He'd been babbling apologies. He had to find a way to stop. She'd said, "You need help, sweetie. I can, we can find a way to get you to someone, okay? It's okay, everyone's got their own bag of rocks."

He'd laughed. "What is that?"

"Something my grandmother used to say. You know, everybody's got their own problems and difficulties," May had said. 

Now Peter was looking at Mr. Stark. He'd told May he could get someone to help. He'd made something up about victim services from his kidnapping. But he'd been thinking of Mr. Stark.

Peter said, "Okay. Okay, hook me up with your guy."

"Wonderful," Mr. Stark said. "That's so great. He's pretty good. He's had to deal with me and my messed up bullshit."

"I have messed up stuff, too," Peter said.

"Yeah, but you're better than me," Mr. Stark said. He was looking somewhere over Peter's shoulder. Peter didn't turn around to see. Mr. Stark said, "Here you are asking for help and it's only been a few months. Took me literal years and more."

"Doesn't feel like that," Peter said, looking at his hands. He'd used to have a few tiny scars, some he didn't remember getting, some from his spy school or the playground. They were all gone now. His hands were unmarked. 

Mr. Stark had been very optimistic about everything, he literally sent Peter up to meet the guy two hours after Peter came up to the lab. 

Dr. Kenarke seemed pretty nice. He started by asking Peter what he wanted, what Peter wanted to come from meeting with him.

Peter said, "I don't want to keep having these panic attacks and flashbacks or whatever they are. I don't want to be embarrassed in front of Liz, so I can ask her out and not make May worry about me. I just want to be functional. Maybe happy?"

"Maybe happy," Dr. Kenarke said. He wrote it down. "Let's talk about the experiences you're having."

At the end of the session, Peter felt awful and Dr. Kenarke had written him a prescription for some kind of pills. Peter had told him things didn't work on him anymore, so Dr. Kenarke said they'd see how long it worked for. "Take two pills."

Peter wondered if his insurance would cover it. He wasn't sure he actually had insurance. He'd have to ask May. That sounded awful. By the time he got home from the subway and the bus he was definitely convinced it wasn't even worth telling May about the prescription. So he didn't. 

Then someone knocked on the door at close to ten at night. Peter and May both exchanged looks of near fear. No one showed up with good news that late at night. Peter stood up and looked through the peephole. It was Happy.

Peter opened the door and said, "Happy? Why are you here?"

Happy said, "You forgot this," and handed over a brown bag. Peter looked inside and saw two bottles of pills. 

"I forgot this? And you came all the way out here."

"Kid, I work for Tony Stark, I've done much stranger things. You left it at your work station," Happy said. "Sorry it's so late." He smiled at May over Peter's shoulder. Then he was gone. 

Peter closed the door. He turned to May and said, "I forgot this at Stark Industries, I guess."

"What is it?"

"It's, um, I told you I saw that shrink, I was going to see that shrink from victim services," Peter said. He smiled. "He gave me, I guess they can cover some pills, too. Isn't that great?"

May looked skeptical. "Okay," she said. "Let me see that." She took out the pill bottles. "This is, okay. Did he give you the warnings? You have to be careful with these kinds of meds when you're a teenager. Tell me if anything feels wrong."

"Wrong different from the usual wrong?" Peter grinned at her. 

"You think you're clever," she said. She hugged him. 

He felt okay. He actually felt pretty okay. He took the pills, he saw Dr. Kenarke which generally sucked but that was the point, according to Tony. He was doing great at his internship apparently. Mr. Stark was personally very impressed with Peter, he said so in his own way. 

Plus he asked out Liz and she said yes. "I was, actually, thinking about asking you, if you wanted," she said, smiling. 

"Oh, man," Peter said. "I bet you would have been great. I'm sorry I missed that."

"I don't think I would have done it, though," Liz said. "And you did it really well."

May had said they should go somewhere that was fun. "Don't do the movies or some restaurant, do something that you want to do. And she'll want to do it and it will be a great first date."

So they went to an exhibit in Manhattan about photography. They took the subway and then walked. Liz reached for his hand and he hoped he wasn't gross or sweaty. Or smelly. 

They even kissed on the ride home, right when Peter was going on about silver plates. 

On their fifth date, when they'd been dating for a whole month, they did go out to eat at a nice place. They had just gotten their salads when Peter felt something coming on. He knew that feeling now. He said, "I have to go to the bathroom, be right back." He stood in a stall with the door closed, his forehead against the wood door. "Right back," he muttered. He was getting to hate bathrooms. 

He took two of his pills and splashed water on his face and then dried his face off so hopefully Liz wouldn't notice even though he'd been in the bathroom for a very long time. 

When he got back, he smiled a lot. He said, "Sorry about that. Sorry."

"It's okay," Liz said. "Was that a panic attack?" 

"No," Peter said. "Yes. Sorry."

"Peter," Liz said. "Peter, you were, you know, you had that awful thing happen to you. If you didn't have some effects from it, I'd be worried. Like you were pushing it all down and repressing and then, bang! Some day you're, like, --"

"A street magician," Peter said. Liz laughed. Peter said, "Sorry, my mom always said that was the lowest you could go."

"Your mom?" Liz laughed again. "Have you ever actually met a street magician? We live in New York City, and I don't think I have."

"I haven't, because not many people go that low," Peter said. "I know, it's weird."

"You're weird," Liz said. "It's good, I like it."

Peter never thought to tell her he was Spider-man. It didn't occur to him at all. 

He saw her a few nights after that date when he was out being Spider-man. He was on the edge of the burbs, and he knew she lived in a great big house out that way. But she was so pretty, coming out of the movies with he guessed her parents. He was tempted to show off as Spider-man but he honestly preferred that those two worlds never meet. 

He told Dr. Kenarke he really loved when he was with Liz because first, Liz, and second, he was just a smart kid who'd only had one or two bad things happen to him. Just like his mom wanted for him. 

Dr. Kenarke said, "Like a second identity?"

"No," Peter said. "Not like that. I'm always me. I'm me. But there are worries and thoughts I can just, like, put aside and pick up later when I'm with her."

School was starting and things were actually good, Peter thought. Actually good.


End file.
